Lunch Time Chat at St James Ethics Centre

The next conversation at St James Ethics Centre will be on ??? (Sorry.  None planned at this time.  Maybe later but give us a signal if you're interested.
Level 2, 140 Sussex Street,  City.
(Opposite the Nikko Hotel) 

Read about  Session 1    Session 2   

Wednesday  August 14th 2002.    Session 2

And still they keep coming.  Two more new participants today.  Thank you for coming and welcome.

We seemed to slip very easily into a general chat about deeper listening, its effects and how it might show up.

First came the thought that it is largely unexplored and that the Quakers can really show us what it means to be "Listened" to.   We think that their belief is that God resides in all of us and that when they listen, they are listening to the spirit of God in us.  Very powerful.

Conversation and listening takes time, we must put aside other thoughts, be open and cautious about  busy ness and doing which only gets in the way.

A sharing that caught my attention was from someone who suggests that he's probably only been listened to twice ever.  That was followed by some in depth talk about how we know for sure when we are listened to and what gets in the way of true listening and hearing.

When we are not truly present for each other, our communication becomes shallow and frivolous like fairy floss, leaving us starved of that deeper nourishment.  These conversations leave us feeling nourished.

So what we took away with us was:

• Listening is about NOT being in control
• Respect
• When a human being comes over the horizon, it is a momentous event.
• The value of being present for another
• The worst thing we can do to others is to ignore them.
• Savu Bhona.   Sikkona.   An African greeting.  "I see you."    "I am here."
• Listening is something I choose to do or not to do.

Wednesday July 10th 2002

A modest number of us met and created a conversation back on familiar ground.  This is the first in our return to  Lunch Time Chats at the St James Ethics Centre.

It was stimulating and thought provoking even if a little introspective.  In an effort to go deeper into meanings and perspectives we uncovered some valuable insights into our own use of conversations.

Some points made:
It's unhealthy to seek consensus too soon.  Must take time to explore, not just the facts but also the process whereby we might reach agreement.

Someone quoted the head of Agriculture in India who pleaded, "Don't let the economists in too soon."  Instant recognition of the wisdom expressed here.

Reference made to DeBono's plea, "What's wrong with argument?"

I particularly liked the "Purpose of Conversation"

• Enlightenment
• Empowerment
• Transformation

This was pursued at length.

We also discussed a method used in business to separate ideas and issues from the people proposing them.  Whether an idea is hailed and developed or left languishing on the cutting room floor, the person who raised it should be applauded for the contribution.  Without that there can be little hope of ever coming up with anything new.

Over the next few days I will attempt to post a mind map that we created during the conversation.  In the mean time, here are some of the highlights we took away with us.

• Need to treat each other well.
• Need to value the conversation for its own sake and not be so focussed on 'outcomes.'
• The 'space' that is the conversation is most important.  Especially the non confronting atmosphere.
• Conversations helps me to articulate my real thoughts and feelings and so gives me depth.
• The biggest quality of conversations is the affirmation I get by being a part of it.
• Don't look for consensus too soon.  Give matters time.

PS.  This just came through by email from an esteemed participator in the Conversation.

"Hi Noel,
In retrospect the most significant word for today's conversation
for me was "transfer": the idea, as stated, that by having a setting where
you can experience "another way" (ie non adversarial) the possibility
arises of operating to move things closer to this in other settings
(Stafford Beer's cybernetic principle that if you at least have a goal or
reference point - through your experience - you have something to aim
for and therefore a chance of getting there).
Brian

For more information call Noel on 9819 7914