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The Verandah Group.  Barrington.

Sunday February 16th 2003

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The Verandah Group.  Barrington.

Sunday March 16th 2003

How does one record an event like this one?

Instead of holding a "Conversation" Polly decided to choose this time to produce her second daughter and that rather absorbed everyone's attention.  Most of the women in our group rallied around  to that little diversion and us blokes sat on the sidelines bewildered and wondering who was going to make the tea.  (Sexist joke )
We all heartily and lovingly welcome Eliza Ward into our circle and our community.

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The Verandah Group.  Barrington.

Sunday April 27th  2003

We had previously had "Marriage and its meaning in the modern world" as a topic.  This had evoked such a wide ranging and rambling conversation that we chose to narrow down today's choice of "The meaning of Family in the modern world."  What we focussed on was the Raising of Children.  What are the institutions and structures that we might put around the business of raising children in an ideal world?

The points.

• Raising children seen as difficult to do well in a life that is increasingly isolated and busy.  Basically we headed for a tribal or community concept in an ideal world.
• Noted how extended families and communities fell apart in Yorkshire when PM Thatcher and her policies closed the mines there.
• Children seem to be too organised today.  They need time and space to play and use their imagination.  Rather than all the 'busy ness' they'd be better engaged down making a dam in the creek or some other creative and fun activity.
• In this group we are mostly rural folk and of course we feel that being outdoors and near nature is better for young children.
• Quality contact with and adult  doesn't necessarily have to be a parent.  The extended family is better where a child can have close contact from many people.  In a community there is usually someone with the time to be present for a kid.
• Town planning and architectural design could be made with awareness of children's issues.
• Important that we talk to people in the community and let them know of their responsibility to be role models for children.
• Politically there seems to be a policy of more work and less home time.
• Being responsible and responsive for the community automatically includes the children and mutual nurturing.
• Everyone has something different to offer a community that is of benefit.
• Community would be encouraged to take more responsibility for its health.

We saw an excellent example of community care for children last month when Polly produced our newest member in young Eliza.  Most people attached to the Verandah group took and interest and contributed in some way to the whole event.

This event finished a little earlier than usual and by prior agreement we gathered around for a singing session.  During a previous conversation we noted how little opportunity there is for people to make music together so we decided to form ourselves into an Acapella group.  Luckily we have Juen as a member who is a music teacher and Polly herself who is a very fine pianist and clarinet player herself.  We took some time to learn a chant and finished off in fine voice.  

Again there was warm acclamation of Griselda as our generous hostess who is a formidable hand in the kitchen on top of all her other talents.

The next Conversation on the verandah will be on Sunday September 21st
Call Griselda or Polly on 6558 7555 if you'd like to join us.  You'll be most welcome.

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The Verandah Group.  Barrington.

Sunday May 18th

No report this month I'm afraid though it was an excellent gathering.

June Event  2003

Some of us started with singing acappella.  We're lucky to have a couple of fine teachers and several accomplished musicians amongst us as well as some really good voices.  That all helps, in part, to compensate for a certain fog horn in the group. 

Main topic for today was on Rituals - Death and Dying and Birth

Lost rituals are difficult to relight because of lost beliefs and lost soul connection with them.

Rituals (old ones) seem to have been contaminated by economics and money and thus have little meaning for us now.

We're too busy to reflect
Too separated from who we really are to be still.
We seem to spend our time frenetically avoiding ourselves
There are no, or at least few, lessons on what our responsibilities are.

Change is happening at a much faster pace so the older rituals are disappearing or weakening.

Comment that the lives of young people are too organised such that there is not time allowed to dream.

Transience of population destroys rituals

Ritual of school suggests that you must study here - then go elsewhere and study and only then will you be acceptable.

Question:  "Can we create ritual?"

Steiner kids do - especially around birthdays - songs - candles - food (cake)  Seasons - passing - stories.

Wonderful contribution from Linda who created a ritual around menopause.

A contribution suggested the five essentials for women to have  happy relationships.
1. He must do housework and have a job
2. He must be romantic and want to make love to me
3. He must be light hearted and make me laugh
4. He must be intelligent and able to hold my attention
5. These guys must NEVER actually meet each other.
(Oh dear.  Whatever is to become of us? Editors Note)

What people remembered from today.
Loved hearing people talk about such things and thinking about it.
Keep reverting to education as a source
Change will be salient in our future
We're the old fogies.  Young people have their own rituals
Regret that there are not representatives from younger set
Appreciate each individual's experiences rather than media output
Want to take the economics and commercialism out of ritual times

One last point to make.  The soup was fabulous as usual.

July Event  2003

Singing again to start with.  In Juen's absence a very capable Elizabeth stood in as our guide and teacher.  It was good for us to experience  a slightly different approach too.

Still on Rituals and this time focussed more precisely on Death  and what is appropriate for that time.

Several of our number had been to the funeral of someone in the community recently.  The comment made was that the very serious and formal funeral, in fact in no way represented the character of the man they all knew and loved.  Should we then plan our own funeral?  Are they for the dead?  Or for the living?

Here are some of the contributions.

They are about thanks and forgiveness.
Highly creative ceremony could last at least all day.  
Write a letter to the dead person before the ceremony.  Include any unfinished business.
Must include fire and smoke as symbols.
Music, singing, dancing and somehow all building to a crescendo in some way.

We should all plan our own funerals.

Chance to view the body
Take the whole day to celebrate their life to help those remaining to "let go"
Most church services seem sterile and unconnected.
Perhaps when writing your own funeral you could write to friends about unfinished business.
Lengthy grieving sometimes felt as expression of the depth of love.
Discussion about crying at funerals.  Maybe helps with closure.
Others suggest that we're not to cry.  Just get through it.  Grieving should be a private affair.  
Comments about cultural differences even within cultures.
Need for balance between the formal and informal.

For next event we've agreed to draw up a funeral or a departure ritual that we'd like to see.

In finale people expressed their great pleasure with the conversations.

Safe to speak from the heart
When people speak, they are respected and heard
Appreciated the silences between the speaking
An amazing experience to be not interrupted
Great to be able to make sense of what we say
Feel connected with myself and my own thoughts
Feeling of shared love. Special place - special people.

August Event  2003

It is truly amazing to me that so much beautiful energy is attracted to the ritual around death.  We had 17 people turn up this time to talk about a funeral that they would choose to create.  Even so it was not by any means a morbid affair and at times even quite hilarious.

Singing was the starting point and the little angels competed with the bush birds for nearly two hours before the Conversation started.  It's probably not my place to say it but I actually think we're getting to be quite good. (Maybe excepting for that certain fog horn amongst the canaries. ~grin~)

So here are some of the contributions towards funeral design.  Intitials so's not to name them.

S:
Need open space, preferably raised.
Late afternoon - full moon  - smoke
Writing to the deceased especially unfinished business.  Place those on the funeral pyre. Letting go.

L:
Wearing of flowers
Imagined herself as being rolled down a hill and into the hole.  (Much amusement and certain disrespectful possibilities added from the group.)
Song:  "Old and Strong"
Feast only eating with fingers
Would love to have a party at the time of her choosing with everyone (knowing why they were there) having a great celebration and then at the appropriate time she would administer the final needle.

A: Yevteshenko poem.  Read through twice.  Very powerful.

J: 
Her song is to be the Monty Python classic, "Always Look On The Bright Side of Life"

S:
Usually not enough sharing at funerals.  Formality gets in the way.
Wants a place with tree ferns.
Wonders who should make the decisions, deceased or the survivors?
Those left behind are the more important so those left should feel comfortable with procedures. (He wouldn't feel right about rolling L's body down a hill.)
So survivors are to have priority.
Note that a priest or minister who doesn't know the family intimately is only a clay pious leader at a funeral.

E:
No right to decide for those left.
People to remember any enrichment in their lives
Bonfire at night and the telling of ghost stories.
Music Brandenburg Concerto (No 2?)
Arrival of the Queen of Sheba

D:
Idea of death as the ally, as in Carlos Castaneda.
Buddhist poem (Another very special one read twice)
Read the poem here.

P:
Funeral is more for family and friends to celebrate my footprint on the earth.
Poem.  Post Humus

S:
Coffin of recyclable material please.  Bright colours supported by helium balloons.  Party.  Priest to be welcoming.  Better someone who knows the family.  Music to be given a lot of thought.

T:
No matter what is planned, allow for some spontaneity in response to who is there and the mood or feelings at the time.

K:
Death brings life into short focus.  Have celebration over several days to allow time for reflection on deceased.

N:
Telling of stories about his life and wanderings.  He will prepare a series of anecdotes that will reveal some past experiences that might bring surprise and will also demonstrate some of his regrets.  Folks to tell  how he impacted on their lives (if he did at all) and also telling of his foibles.  Make it real.  Music would have to include lots of good jazz and wine to flow.   

Then read a letter of closure to his mother.  Very somber but also very liberating (for him at least.)

This day was a tad longer than usual but we all felt different afterwards.  Probably one of our best Conversations ever.
 

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