Gosford

November 4th 1999

Sometimes during our Conversations somebody comes up with some information about which they are passionate and we oblige ourselves to stop the conversation and listen.  Tonight's session was one of those times.

We were commencing a renewed interest in Cheryl Anderson's topic from the October event about repeated patterns transferred across generations.  Some of these patterns are not functional and do not serve.  eg;  failed school,  prison experience, unemployment, violence, especially in the home.  How to impact or intervene in this pattern? Harry Boyle who has had a considerable background in education described, at length, his thesis on unmet needs of both men and women in our method of organising our communities and our following discussion was mainly about that thesis.

To the question of "Why these dysfunctions occur in the first place?" 
Harry described the 3 needs of males and 4 needs of females. The following is my clumsy attempt to capture the information and pass it along to you and I apologise to Harry immediately for any misrepresentations that may occur. 

First to the males of our species:

1. Males have a fundamental need to have a collection of achievements to be proud of.

2. They have a need to have these achievements approved by others.  (Linked to self esteem)

3. Need to know that "I am a significant person."

For females, they

1. Need to be needed.

2. Have a need for personal achievement.  (Both physical and mental.)

3. Need to be somebody.

4. Need to have approval - not so much of their achievements but of themselves.

The emotional energy we need comes in two forms. 1) Acceptance and 2)  Encouragement.

Can you imagine where such a thesis would take a conversation? Would you have something to say?  Well we did and the meeting went on quite a bit longer than usual.  Perhaps our best meeting in Gosford to date.

Thanks again to Carmel and Peter for the use of their home.

Next Gosford Conversation will be on December 2nd.